My Ex is Watching My Stories
Does that mean we still have a chance?
Breakups are tough enough as it is. But social media often multiplies the misery.
I get questions like this all the time:
“My ex from over a year ago left me because he wasn’t happy. Or so he said. But he still watches my stories. He’s one of the top viewers. And responds a lot with the reaction emojis. Does this mean we still have a chance?”
Well, first off, I can’t know why your ex watches/engages with your stories because I can’t read minds. However, I can make some valuable inferences…
First off, there’s so much in language. Look at the words: “Or so he said.” Already, we’re making up how he feels. We believe this person feels differently than how they told us.
Listen. When someone tells you how they feel, believe them. When they say, “I’m not happy,” it’s because they’re not happy. If they were happy, why would they leave? It just doesn’t make sense. Any suspicions about whether the person was telling the truth are just symptoms of unresolved attachment.
So, step one is connecting to reality. The person wasn’t happy. They left. The relationship is over. There is no “chance.”
Now, what does it mean when they leave an emoji on your story?
It means nothing.
There’s no code to crack. It doesn’t mean you have a chance. It doesn’t mean you’re getting back together. All it means is that they tapped a button and sent a little flame or happy face to your inbox, or maybe the little heart eyes because you shared a #bikinipic.
The only meaning worth considering here is in your reaction. If you’re wondering whether your ex wants to get back together—that’s a leap your mind is making. Why? Because you’re not taking responsibility for your healing. That’s why part of you is still longing. Hoping.
So, here’s what I would recommend…
Start protecting your healing process.
We’ve all been in a spot like this. After a breakup, you’re trying to collect yourself and move on. Finally, you find yourself having a good day. The leaves look brighter. The barista made your latte just right. You’re smirking and thinking about fun plans for the weekend.
You start scrolling and see a photo of your ex, or catch their name in the viewer list on your stories. A nerve gets struck and all that goodness collapses. Old pain gets stirred up like silt in a pond.
Now you’re derailed. Kicked out of your center. Your unfinished hurt starts making meaning of things. You emotionally relapse and start dwelling on them, which stops you from moving forward.
Almost no one is immune to this. So, I recommend blocking your ex, not just muting them. Because if seeing their name in your viewer list derails you—and even the fact that you’re taking the time to check—that means you need to block them.
And blocking doesn’t have to be a “forever” thing. At least until you feel grounded in your new foundation. If you have a relationship with your ex where you’re still communicating, and are on decent terms, you could even drop a quick message saying…
“Hey, I wanted to give you a heads up: It throws me off when I see your name on here. So, I’m going to block you for a while, just to help stay focused.”
HOWEVER. If you go to send a message like that, check in with your body. Are you sending it to genuinely honour yourself? Or are you sending it secretly hoping it will get their attention and open a dialogue?
If it’s the latter, I’d suggest going straight to hitting “Block” and moving on.
No more games. No more self-abandonment. It’s time to let go. To heal. To choose yourself. And you’re the only one who can make that choice.