I’m Still Not Over Them

It’s been two years and I’m still caught up on my ex. What gives?

You’re probably familiar with the phrase, “Time heals all wounds.” And to some degree, that’s true: with each passing day we gain perspective and tools to heal our heartbreak, even finding love again. Awesome, right?! But for some people, months and months will pass and they find themselves still holding a flame for a former partner. Telling someone who still has feelings for their ex that “time heals all wounds” is like slapping them in the face with a fish (I’m only exaggerating a little). 

So it’s been years and you’re still caught up on your ex. What gives? Usually, we’re not caught up in a particular person as much as we are caught up in an old story. Holding onto something that doesn’t exist keeps us stuck in an old story. We haven’t accepted the truth. 

For those who are hung up on their exes, the first thing I invite them to do is connect with the actual truth. Which is this: you broke up. Are you getting back together? Are they still in your life? Are you still connected to them? And are you hoping for something that’s not likely to happen? 

In order to begin the process of moving on, you have to get in touch with reality. You can’t keep pretending they’ll call you again one day, or that they’ll change, or that your enduring friendship will win them back. Where are you still telling yourself old stories, or tales that aren’t grounded in reality? Where can you call yourself on your own BS? 

Generally, we stay stuck because we benefit in some way from staying in those old stories. How are you benefitting? How is your continued stuck-ness protecting you from the pain of growth or change? What is it about this old story that still serves you? And how is holding onto this person keeping you in that space? 

The people who find themselves still hung up on former flames are usually the ones who haven’t fully processed the end of the relationship. In order to move forward, you have to allow yourself to learn from the past, to integrate the lessons, and live them to write your future. 

When you’re ready to start, I recommend finding one or two friends who will tell you the truth. If they’ve been hearing you talk about your ex for the past two years, maybe they’ve already told you what they think (and maybe you weren’t ready to hear it) or maybe they’re tired of listening to you talk about it. But good friends will tell you when it’s time to move on, and be there to support you as you do. You might also think about talking to a counselor, therapist, or support professional if you need further guidance. And if you’re still thinking, I’m so overwhelmed, where do I even start? you can check out the Breakup Recovery Course. Even if it’s been months or years since your breakup, you can still give yourself the space to grieve what was lost, and take steps toward healing and wholeness. 

Are you still healing? Check out my breakup recovery course!