When I Like Someone I Get SO Anxiously Attached

Why do you get anxious when you really like someone? Speaking straight from my personal experience on this one!

When I was dating and actually interested in someone, the whole world would sort of shut down around me, which was not healthy. 

I would get really focused on one person, feeling such a deep connection with them, and then I would be left in total disarray if they moved on or if they didn’t want to be with me. 

I was more anxiously attached when I cared about people, so I needed to learn this healthy balance of being able to sit in the space of recognition – that is, recognizing I wanna shut down the rest of the world and focus on this one person, but I actually just need to take a breath and recognize that it’s up to me to choose if someone is a good match for me. I’m choosing. I’m not waiting for this person to chase me. And they’re not the only person in the world for me. 

You don’t have to be very good at math to recognize that there’s more than one person in the world for you. I once asked a friend what he thought about this idea of ‘the one,’ and he said, “You know, I believe there’s many ones. It’s just really about determining who we are willing to work it out with. Who are we meeting at the right time in our lives?”

Generally, anxious attachment stems from an inability to hold onto the uncertainty that comes with dating. Instead of sitting with uncertainty, we chase, pursue, over text, abandon ourselves, and don’t leave any of the space that’s necessary to create a healthy relationship. 

So when you catch feels, recognize that the feelings don’t always mean you have to do something with them, or act on them. Just cause you feel something doesn’t actually mean you have to do anything with it. We have feelings all the time that we shouldn’t do things with. Instead, it’s about being able to observe the emotion and the experience – recognizing the desire to wanna leave oneself, the desire to flee oneself, but actually standing still and not letting it choose for us.