Walk Away from Anyone Who Doesn’t Choose You
Learn to stop settling for less in love.
This is an epiphany I wish everyone looking for love could instantly download:
When you’re not a fit for someone, that means they’re not a fit for you.
A leading qualifier for a good partner is that they choose you. They want you. And if they don’t choose or want you, then they’re not a good fit. Right?
So, if you choose and want someone, but they aren’t reciprocating…
I’d write this entire friggin’ article in ALL CAPS if it wouldn’t be totally annoying. I just get so fired up about this…
Seriously, it’s so simple. If they don’t choose you back, what’s the point? You have to make this your bottom line. The price of admission for entering relationship is that you choose each other.
Don’t just give away your love to anybody. Don’t give away your time and your relationship status to anybody. You’re not just waiting for someone to save you. And you can probably thank fairy tales for that— where you have this feeling of being up in a tower, waiting to lower your hair for prince charming one magical day…
And men are also taught to play our role in that drama, believing that we need to save people and fix things. But neither of our value is in the roles of “saviour” and “saved…”
Your value is purely in you being in your power and in your truth, and deciding: Is this a good fit for me? Whatever the choice is—a partner, a job—does it align with your soul? Is it in your values?
And in relationship, if your values include integrity and respect, how could you be with anyone who doesn’t choose you back? You have to be in it. And so do they. Otherwise, you’re leaving your own values to be in the relationship. And we all need to STOP doing that.
So, if you find that your pattern is choosing people who aren’t choosing you back, what do you do? You get back into your body. Into your truth. Into your power. And realise that you’re f*king choosing…
When you stop entertaining people who don’t pursue you back, you’ll have so much free time. You’ll have SO much more energy. You’ll be like, “Oh my God, I can go pursue someone who pursues me too? That seems so simple!”
Sure, it is simple. But let’s also put on the compassionate lens. Because I might be making it sound like you just instantly wake up and realise this. And, well, you kinda do…
At the same time, I get why you keep allowing yourself to be unchosen. Because I did it too. It’s that childlike Disney energy, where you’re waiting for someone to snap out of a spell and fall madly in love with you. But that’s not how love works.
If you’re giving time to people who don’t choose you, here’s what’s actually happening…
What you’re really doing is running from love. The crazy part is, if you’re running toward someone who doesn’t choose you, and waiting around for them to have a change of heart—that’s still running from love. Real love. BIG love. Healthy love. Where both people are totally in and committed.
So, if you’re someone who’s running from love, it’s time to figure out why. And it’s time to run towards it.
Ask yourself: “Where did love burn me?” Acknowledge that. Go into that. Because if you can go into where love burned you, you can pour the water on the burn, and then you can learn from it.
Ask: “Who lit that fire? Who taught me that love wasn’t safe? And where was all the dry kindling inside that I should have cleaned that up, but made the burn so much worse?”
The way to these answers is stillness. Stop running. Just stop altogether. And start facing the unseen forces that have been driving you in circles for years.
Meditation is a great tool for this. Because it requires you to cease all doing and switch to being. It requires you to learn how to be in your body. And if you’re someone who says, “I don’t meditate, I don’t have time,” then consider this…
Whenever you say, “I don’t have time,” try replacing that sentence with, “It’s not a priority.” Because you have time. Lots of it. 1,440 minutes per day, to be exact. You’re just choosing to spend those minutes on some things and not others.
Or whenever anyone says, “I don’t meditate because it’s too much. I can’t sit still.” The answer is built into that statement: “I can’t” means “I won’t.” And you don’t want to because there’s something uncomfortable waiting inside for you to sit through and learn from.
What I can’t do, or won’t do, is lie to you. Learning to drop into your body isn’t a cakewalk. But it’s one of the most valuable skills you’ll ever develop.
When you turn inward to examine why you’ve been running from love, you can learn how to move toward relationships in a more powerful, boundaried way. When you understand why you’ve been giving yourself away to undeserving partners, you can break the cycle and begin choosing differently.
This power to choose carries into the rest of your life. Once you sink through the noise, you begin discovering the signal of your intuition. So, when you ask yourself that vital question—“Is this right for me?”—you can more clearly hear the answer. And honouring that answer will guide you to the greatest partners and possibilities imaginable.